Today is August 16, the day that changed my life, for the better, I think. Not just physically, but overall. It left me with a deeper appreciation of life, which I will share at the end. Hopefully, it will help inspire you to live big yourself.
It all began about two years ago when I developed an open, lower back wound, and it became badly infected. A year ago today, I had a major back surgery for that very infection, which had reached the spine. It was a high-risk surgery that I honestly wasn’t sure if I would survive. The alternative to surgery was to take antibiotics the rest of my life, but infection would spread into the bloodstream. My surgeon told me of a past patient who couldn’t do surgery for a similar infection. Her infection turned sepsis, which is when the body’s immune system goes into overdrive, fighting a widespread infection in the bloodstream but also damaging organs across the body. Even with heavy antibiotics, she lived nine months. My blood report then showed that infection was already entering my bloodstream and would continue to worsen. It was only a matter of time.
Planning
After a thorough search and phone-calls, another doctor referred me to Dr. K, a pediatric orthopedic surgeon with expertise in doing these types of spine surgeries. He usually doesn’t do adult surgeries, but he made an exception once he saw how complicated my case was.
Dr. K was a brilliant, experienced surgeon, as was his entire team. He told me that if we chose the surgery option, we must move fast because time wasn’t on our side. The infection was entering my bloodstream, and I had lost 25 pounds after a year of painful daily dressing changes (blood loss, stress, pain, etc). The risk for sepsis was too much, and perhaps inevitable if I waited too long.
But the risks of surgery were also tremendous.
With spine surgeries, death isn’t the only concern. There is always the risk of complications, such as organ damage, nerve damage, and the possibility of paraplegia or quadriplegia. Dr. K suggested not doing the surgery and hoping antibiotics work for as long as possible. He still gave me a week to think it over and decide.
However, I made my decision in 10 seconds and asked him for the time and place to show up for surgery. My parents suggested reconsidering if the risks were so great, but I had my mind made up. Daily dressing changes were excruciating and exhausting, even with painkillers. Hearing that 9-month survival case only reinforced my resolve; skipping surgery wasn’t the wise decision. I rolled the dice on x% survival rate from surgery (surgeon couldn’t provide a number without opening the wound to see the extent) over 100% mortality within a year or so. I chose life as I would every chance I can, no matter the risks.
Surgery
They instructed me to present myself at 6am on the morning of the surgery. The location of the hospital was almost an hour away, so I woke up at 4am. The roads were peaceful, and so was my mind. Once there, I had to sign multiple waivers, including waivers for death or other complications during surgery. Those are usually customary for all surgeries. However, the assistant doctor reiterated the high risk of this surgery, and he ran through a list of potential complications. He had to explain a few of them, and I could still back down. A follow-up surgery was also a possibility if things were worse than expected or became necessary. It felt as if I was taking an oath from the book of life. I acknowledged it and moved forward in the moment, rain or shine. Much as in life, there were no guarantees.
After switching to the hospital gown and getting onto the hospital bed, I was taken through a series of rooms, including the pre-operation room. After that point, my parents had to depart. The only thing remaining was me in the company of my thoughts. I entered a deep trance of focus. Random lines from Eminem’s “Lose Yourself” were running through my mind. I thought about Kobe Bryant’s mamba mentality at the moment as a lifelong Kobe fan. I also have another thought I tap into in certain moments: a fire struggling to keep itself alive with fuel dwindling. The fire doesn’t stop, fighting to survive until no fuel remains. I think of it as the flame of life. As long as there’s a will, the fire rages on. I directed my focus on that flame persisting in the eye of my mind. Once I entered the operating theater, the anesthesiologist started the anesthesia and instructed me to count backwards from 100.
The surgery itself was successful, going on for over six hours because of the complexity of the plastic surgery. Blood loss was minimal, and there were no complications. I was conscious in the post-OP room when the doctor removed the intubation tube from my trachea. The surgeon came by to inform me of the results and showed photos of the extensive plastic surgery on my lower back. They had successfully removed most of the infected tissue.
The plastic surgeon on the team later told me it was one of his most complicated plastic surgeries in his 30yr career. The challenge was they had to remove so much infected tissue from my lower back, leaving a massive horizontal opening from one end of my back to the other. They needed donor tissue to replace it with. I was already significantly underweight with little body fat, so using tissue from another part of the body wasn’t a safe option. Instead, they opted to take tissue from different parts of my back to cover the opening. I lost even more weight from the surgery on top of the 25 pounds before the surgery. I won’t share what my weight was, but you can imagine.
Post-surgery
The following two weeks in the hospital were difficult, but each week improved. I was weak from weight loss, blood loss, and severe dehydration. Anesthesia from the surgery had also caused severe colon blockage, causing a condition called an ileus. Since the hospital stay length was uncertain and IVs couldn’t be used for long-term, they inserted a PICC line into my arm for continuous delivery of medication, antibiotics, and fluids. I also had a catheter, tubes, and wires all over the place, which I found aggravating.
During those two weeks, I was also on three different antibiotics because the lab had isolated three separate ongoing infections from the collected specimen. Note that the open back wound had been going for the past 15 months, and antibiotic-soaked gauze can’t stop bacteria from finding a way in.
Dr. K and his team did an outstanding job with the surgery, and since then, I have regained most of the weight I had lost. I’m still on one oral antibiotic a year later, but it’s almost over. Once I see my infectious disease doctor, I’ll know for certain—my latest blood report looks good.
My Takeaway
This situation caused me to change my life. I began eating healthier, relaxing more, and most importantly, I began writing again after a three-year hiatus, this time working on a novel plot I had for some time. I placed a strict limit on how much TV I watch each day and cut back on video-games. Moreover, I believe I became kinder and more appreciative of the wonders of life. The hard truth of life is nobody knows how long they have or what tomorrow might bring. I believe life should be lived not long but BIG! This experience has inspired me to spend the time I have today with the people I respect, do joyful things, and ensure I bring joy to others in whatever capacity I can. Essentially, to stay true to my first name, Harsh, which means joy in Sanskrit.
I believe everyone should appreciate the little things in their lives for a happier and satisfying life, regardless of how much time they have or the challenges/troubles they face. Each moment that enters your life will also leave your life, so you must make your stand in the present, one moment at a time. There is no tomorrow, there is only today. Time is ticking. Life is too precious and too short, so make the present count.
Carpe diem – seize the day and make your life extraordinary.
